Sometimes I just need a hug. Those are the times when no words can be immediately found to express a thought or emotion, or smoothe that slight pit in my being. The words will come (they eventually do) but sometimes I just need a hug.

There’s something about that whole “cocoon” thingy. Primally soothing and in its warmth and closeness, there’s something about offering youself arms outstretched and to be mutually and willingly embraced. Call it a momentary pause of acceptance or assurance. Action speaks louder than words. Words are not always necessary. A sense of compassion and a show of heart is always welcomed. A good hug can work wonders and sometimes I just need a hug.

Life is funny…
ironic even
You are a dream
Dreams come true
True as life
Life happens

Life is a circle…
Through experience and friends
We were connected
Like asteroids in the cosmos
Our circles bumped and collided
in space and time

Life happens in time…
Timing is everything
The time wasn’t right

After all these years,
I think back…
Strangers?
I think not

From the start
Radars alerted
Glances given
Smiles received
Hearts beat
Energy electrified
Intensified

Time is energy…
Sweet pangs triggered
Waves of wonder and curiosity
Moments enveloped
Developed into dreams
Dreams of fate
Glimmer in the shadows
Patiently waiting

Waiting…
for what?
For time…
A chance crack
A blossom of hope
Something
Out of the blue

Fate happens
Faith endures

The window cracked opened
Chance breezed in
A breath of fresh air
Embraced with a hug
Welcomed with a kiss

Embers rejuvenate 
Slowly, surely
Emotions combust
Feelings meld
Life binds
Dreams solidify

Fate happens
Faith endures

How long did it take?
Seemingly forever
Everything in time
LIFE does reveal itself
Eventually
However it takes

Timing is everything
Now is our time
Time is life
Life is a gift
Life is funny…
ironic even

I received these words either as an e-mail or a comment on a social website years ago. To tell the truth, it was in the form of a chain mail letter. You know the kind. I don’t care for them at all. However, the meat of the message is what hit a sweet spot with me and I’ve kept it after all these years.

To my girls…

Here’s to the shit we talk.
The guys we stalk.
The way we shop.
The laughs we can’t stop.
The gossip we spill.
The looks that can kill.

To having each other’s back,
To the next morning getting all the facts,
Drowning the beers,
Spilling the tears…
We’ll stay together throughout the years.
♥

Of course, the letter came with the instructions to send it to my “10 favorite chicks”. An immediate urgency as far as a time-frame was also specified. To top it off, a not so subtle jab ended the whole silly thing: “If I don’t get this back I’m obviously not a good friend.  I love you…”

Really?

I’ve kept what I though is the important part of the letter and every now and then I send it to my own girlfriends (no strings attached) as a reminder to them that I do appreciate them for being friends of mine and their friendship is treasured.

photo by sevenphotography.com

My oldest daughter blessed me with my first grandchild in 2010. I attended the baby shower in February. I have to admit that I was overwhelmed by the love and support she received from her friends, work collegues and college mates. Although Isis and Michel live a great distance away from me, it’s reassuring that they have a strong, solid support system of friends that they can rely on. I realized I didn’t have to worry too much about them… but mothers always worry, none the less.

The little one arrived in the evening on the 9^th of March.  I wasn’t there. My son was. He called me and hooked me up on a 3-way phone call with my ex-husband and we were virtually in the delivery room when little Liam popped into the world. I can’t believe how pleasant and “chatty” Isis was… but that basically all boils down to her character. The hilarity of it still makes me shake my head and smile.

I spent some time with the new brood during the early weeks. Watching the bond grow between my daughter and the baby brought back sweet and tender memories of my time. It warmed my heart. The heat rose with the intensity that only a newborn and unconditional love can bring. Isis latched onto motherhood with relative ease. Emotions ran high. Sleep was deprived. Adrenaline was golden. She handled it all well and continues to do so.

When her birthday approached a months later, I sent her the following message:

On your birthday,
I’m thinking about how much light and sparkle
you freely dispense wherever you go,
how your sunny smile lights up any gathering.
Every birthday marks another year
of you radiating positive, happy energy,
contagious happiness
that infects all who come in contact with you.
May your next birthday find you the same–
glowing from within,
beaming bright joy on everyone you meet.
I feel blessed to know you.
~~Joanna Fuchs

I read somewhere that mothers and daughters are closest when daughters become mothers.  It is such a joy to see you and Liam together and I can’t tell you how proud I am of you and all that you do.  Best birthday wishes to you.  Much love! 

How two people can live together
And not say a word to each other
Is beyond me
When did it go wrong?
When did the smiles stop?
When did the kidding cease?
When did the love go away?

I’ve known you forever
For all of your life
I birthed you
Nursed you
Bathed and fed you
Soothed you
Played with you

It all seems a lifetime away
Days now dark and grey
Clouded and hurtful
What little we do talk
Your eyes are dead
I can’t look
But I need to

I need to let you know
I love you
You are my seed
You are a part of me
I am a part of you
When you hurt
I feel it

Still, I see you
Beautiful, intelligent
Shyly confidant
Well liked
The world will be yours
I want that for you
That is a mother’s wish

I am your mother
That will never change
We will not always live together
May not even live near
Distance in miles is bearable
Distance in heart is not
I hope that’s not the case

Hope is sinking
I’m fighting it
I have no choice
Can’t let it go
Heartfelt wishes
Heavy and deep
The loss is numbing

You are my seed
You are a part of me
I am a part of you
All I can think of?
All I want to do?
To let you know
I love you

(c) SEP 2011

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfection.”
-Author unknown

A funny thing happened one day. It didn’t seem funny at the time… but I can laugh about it now.

It was the beginning of December and we were fortunate enough to not have any noteworthy accumulation of snow. I live in an apartment building. The back balconies are communal and are joined together by a fire escape. I have a gas bbq on my part of the balcony. It’s been left uncovered since the summer and I’ve been meaning to cover it in preparation for winter’s snow. I’ve had a new tarp and the bungee cords in waiting for a good while. I just needed the push to get‘er done. The early morning radio weather forecast of slight flurries was just the push I needed.

When I stepped out onto the balcony I saw that I had my work cut out for me. The old tarp was crumbled at the base of the bbq. It’s been there for some time. I started to move it. Much to my surprise, in its many folds I discovered cat doodoo in various stages of disintegration. My stomach dropped. I don’t have a cat. My neighbors do. My heart sank. Then my ire rose.

Into the apartment I stomped only to return shortly afterwards wearing work gloves (why I didn’t have those on in the first place, I have no clue) and a jumbo size trash bag. I tugged and rolled up the plastic tarp as gingerly as I could. The last thing I needed was to have the droppings spill onto the balcony. I managed to stuff all that balled up mess into the trash bag, muttering to myself and shaking my head all the while. Miserable cat!

After I secured the new tarp with the bungee cords, I pushed the bbq against the railing, tidied up the surroundings and inspected my deed. Job well done. But… oh, that cat. Once back inside, I plunked myself down in a chair and held my head. I’ve been going through some rough times lately. All I could think about was, “Why is everybody shitting on me?” What that darn cat did was the icing on the cake.

Images of that darn cat grinning and taunting me swirled in my head. Then I stopped to think: what is the past tense of the word “shit”? Shitted? Shat? And then I remembered the French word for “cat” is “le chat” (pronounced “shat”). How fitting. I was finally able to manage a slight smile.

A play on words can turn an aggravating situation into a chuckle. I am ever so grateful for a sense of humor and the fact that I can laugh at myself. It just goes to prove that moments of insanity, silliness and craziness are just symptoms of happiness in your life. Enjoy them! Sometimes they are the best part of your day.

My goodness… can you believe it’s December 1st already?!? Where exactly does time fly and why is there such a rush?

2011… I mean, really?!?

All I can say is that this past year has been indeed an eye-opening one. I’ve made some new and interesting contacts. I’ve re-connected with a few lost friends and family members (thank goodness to modern technology and the WWW). This all gives hope to the phrase: We are not alone… and I’m NOT talking about aliens either…

World-wise, many of my friends are alerted to this whole “Occupy” phenomena. It’s extremely relevant and it’s all a throw-back to the sit-ins of my younger days. I’ve never participated in such an event. I have to tip my hat to those that have the time and gumption to actually sit it out.

My American friends are getting geared up for yet another election and proverbial fire is being stoked. I try to steer clear of political discussion of any sort… but some of the stories popping up are fodder for lively conversation and pure jokes.

Typically, December finds me as an exuberant yet melancholic, emotion-packed month. It’s a winding-down, re-hashing and reflection time. I believe 2012 will be a life-altering year. This writing that I’ve embarked on is the tip of the iceberg. I enjoy throwing my words down and I’m even more thrilled that my madness makes some kind of sense to you. I have every intention on making it a more regular occurrence.

A 15-year old girl that killed herself because she was unable to continue to live with the bullies in her life. She has been harassed for the past 3 years. We do not know what it was about her, that made her a target. Perhaps she was too fat or maybe too smart and was a boy interested in her and another girl also liked him and she had more friends? Who cares!
…suicide note speaks about the constant physical and psychological abuse, that just became too much. She just couldn’t face another day of it.

This is a sad, sad story indeed. I have children and I’m currently living with a teenager and know very well how “peer pressure” and how wanting to be cool is up there on their priority list… especially now that practically everybody is hooked up on-line.

I can’t help but think that if kids have a strong and solid grounding family-wise, they can ride the wave. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

Talking to our kids is so important. Keeping that line of communication open and letting them know that they are not alone is crucial. All too often they are left to fend for themselves… needlessly. Althought we didn’t exactly get a users-manual when it comes to dealing with teens, we were in similar situations as teens ourselves and can hopefully rely on those moments as a reference point.

We, as parents, need to recognize life situations that are presented around them can be mind-blowing to the Nth degree… and I don’t even want to get started and talk about the hormone-thingy.

We, as parents, should be a “buffer” for them, if anything else… a safe haven. Lord knows… my daughter thinks I’m a dinosaur and believes I have no clue as to what’s going on. I would rather have my daughter cruise with this dinosaur than to feel totally lost, alone and dejected.

Oh, teenage angst… thank goodness, it’s just a phase. They do get it after a while. It’s all about RIDING THE WAVE

An innocent friend request
That’s all it took
And a warm smile

From the beginning, easy and casual
With an odd sense of being familiar
Our conversations were effortless

We shared stories, music, laughs
Opened up about pain and loneliness
Grew closer without really trying

In time, taking that next step
Inevitable, enticing, exhilarating
Butterfly jitters soon to be calmed

A whirlwind of firsts
A smiling gaze, a brush of the skin
A kiss enveloped in a hug

Understanding without saying
Time ain’t easy… life, neither
Never seems to be enough of either

Yet, we do the best we can
Embracing the moments
Making memories to last

We were never strangers
Picking up from where we left off
In another lifetime

It just goes to show
magic can happen
when you least expect it

This is a question that I came across in a group discussion today. In my head, I imagined this comparison… building your home on what you think is a solid ground only to discover instead that it is quicksand. We all know about quicksand. It sucks you in, devouring gradually and eventually you are forever lost. However, if you’re lucky and have the strength, skills and agility, you can pull yourself out of the mire. Shoot! We’ve seen it in the movies.

At least you have a glimmer of hope if it’s quicksand. What if it’s a sinkhole? No alerts, no warnings. Once that foundation falls out from underneath you, it’s a wrap. You’re done. Sink, sank, sunk.

All humor aside, I did respond to the question with this: HONESTY and TRUST are two very important components to any relationship. A slip-up can happen one time and perhaps you can get past that discretion. Once that is “seal” is broken, it’s very easy to slip again and there will be a lingering cloud of question and doubt looming overhead. It takes a very strong-willed person to overcome that type of adversity. It also takes two… two partners that are willing to work hard enough to dissipate that cloud, move forward and rebuild on that lost trust and move to a firmer, rock-steady foundation.